Just a thought tonight...
I am missing the man in my life, and it makes me realize how wonderful it is to miss someone...to enjoy so much about someone else that when you cannot see them or hear them, you think of them and long for them. How wonderful it is to have someone so incredible in my life that I miss him this much! It's been forever since I have had this feeling. I am so thankful for it, and grateful to the stars for bringing him into my life.

Size or Laughter?

I read a short article today in a weekly magazine I subscribe to on the Health and Science page, called "The Great Penis Survey". This article states that researchers conducted an analysis of 50 penis studies from around the world in order to determine average penis size, circumference, and satisfaction with penis size from both the male and female perspectives. The crux of the article is that size is not that important to women (85% are satisfied with their partner's size), but that 55% of men still consider penis size a major worry.

The article goes on to quote the study, saying that "The issue of attractiveness for women is complex, but most data suggest that penile size is much lower down the list of priorities for women than such issues as a man's personality and external grooming." I'm not shocked, considering I would never be interested in seeing what an unkempt man with no personality had in his pants. I'm guessing most women would agree with me on that.

This theory of what is "attractive" to women is in line with what a guy told me recently. He claims that the key to getting a pretty woman (or any woman, really) to pay attention to you, is to make her laugh. This works, he says, for any guy, whether he's good-looking and in shape, or not. I've been thinking about this theory and there is definitely some truth to it. (Although it's not foolproof -I'm not going to sleep with George Carlin or Lewis Black any time soon, while God knows they've both made me laugh plenty.) I feel safe in saying that women do like to laugh, and it is fun and enjoyable to be around a man who can bring a smile to your face and make your belly hurt from laughter. I just think the reason women may love a man who makes them laugh is more than that.

I may get a bit tenuous in my reasoning here, but bear with me. Women today have a lot of responsibility. We have careers to nurture, we own our own homes, care for pets, meet or exceed our share of family responsibilities, maintain friendships over time and distance, take care of ourselves physically, and stay informed and knowledgeable about the world and, don't forget, the latest style in dresses and handbags.

What I am getting at is how taxing and stressful life can be for the average woman. So while she may not need a man to support her as in decades past, now, more than ever, a woman needs someone to remind her not to take herself, others, or life, too seriously. Life is, after all, something to enjoy since we only get one shot at it. A man who can make a woman laugh allows her to stop worrying for a while about the "To Do" and shopping lists, the stresses at work, the chores to tend to at home, and the phone calls she should have returned by now. He helps her to relax, enjoy herself and him, and to enjoy the moment before it gets subsumed in all there is to do.

I don't know if this is how other women view the value of a man who makes them laugh, but I do. I've met a man who makes me laugh constantly. I'm typically a grump in the morning, especially on a Monday and, especially before my tea and oatmeal. But this morning I was actually giggling before my head even rose off of the pillow thanks to the man laying next to me. He had me laughing and smiling as soon as my eyes and ears were open. The value of the laughter he brings into my life is immeasurable, because it is worth so much more to me than just the smiling and chuckling you see on the surface. He, and the laughter he creates, keeps me centered and focused on what's most important in life. He also happens to be extremely good-looking, smart, fun, caring, and generous. For those reasons I may not be the best judge of whether even ugly guys who make women laugh get the girl, but I figured I'd share my theory on it anyway. And since my guy is not one of those who needs to worry about penis size, I guess that doesn't hurt either.

They Don't Like Their Own Kind

Recently I met three women who don't seem to like me. Normally, this is something I might take personally or I might try to determine if I did something to offend these women. But not with these 3. They are the type - and I am sure you know girls like this - who don't get along with other women (except their own type, of course).

For example, I like to spend time with my female friends over a dinner and dessert so we have plenty of time to catch-up on what is new in our lives, with our other friends, our families, and with our work. These women, I have observed, sit with a bottle of wine, some fancy cheese and bread, and talk about other women (in a not so flattering way), discuss the salaries of the men they know, and talk about their boyfriends, in what I will call fairly shallow terms (e.g. "He's a nice guy - he saved me a parking space."). These are women who come over to your house for a party and take over the job of "hostess" because it is abundantly clear (to them) that only they can handle that role and make your party a success.

I make efforts to be nice to these women. When I say "Hi, how's it going?" in a cheery voice I usually get barely a look in my direction or a "Hi", but their tone says "bitch." When I am the third party in a conversation with these women, they look at the other person, never acknowledging my contributions to the conversation. They don't even try the "I will pretend to like her" thing.

I barely know these women, so there is nothing they could have against me, as far as I can tell. I am not dating one of their exes, or their brothers, and they know very little about me. I don't look like a supermodel, so they don't hate me because I am beautiful. I have female friends both at work and from other parts of my life who I have had for years, so I am confident the problem here does not lie with me. With the exception of one occasion for woman #1, I have never seen these three women with, or even mention, female acquaintances or friends. They are together, alone, or with boyfriends. I am going to hazard a guess: this is because everyone else has already figured it out...these girls just don't like other girls, and are cold and pretentious when they deal with the rest of us.

I'm not sure what the proper way to handle this is, because I am not able to totally avoid these women. I'm open to suggestions....I guess for now, instead of going out of my way to say "Hi!" to women #1, #2, and #3, I will save my energy.

Home Owning

I recently bought my own home. OK, so maybe it's only a one bedroom apartment, but we all have to start somewhere, right? With the busy life I have during the week, I barely have any time at all to care for my new home - I do what I can during the week and I hope to find a few hours on the weekend to tend to the place. I live in an apartment building where someone else mops the floor in the hall, shines the railings and the elevator buttons, paints the gates, picks up the trash I only have to take to the chute across the hall, washes the front stairs and sidewalk everyday, shovels the snow and just generally keeps the place in running order. I don't know how people who buy actual houses have any life at all. Thanks to the two porters and the superintendent, all I really have to do is break out the Swiffer and Lysol wipes within my four walls to keep the place in presentable condition. This leaves me time for myself to do stuff like write blog entries about home owning, or to make cupcakes in my lovely new kitchen. If I had to worry about gutters getting clogged, lawns and bushes getting overgrown, driveways getting cracked, a roof falling down, a deck in need of a powerwashing and a garage door that never closes right, I'd never be able to sleep, let alone go to work with so much house and yard work to tend to. My parents did, and with two little kids running around, so it must be possible. But I would like to know...how do those "house" owners do it?

Relaxation and Vacation

I think the people who inhabit the rest of the world are on to something. They take vacations. Actual vacations that last more than, say, the 4 days of a long weekend. Vacations that are actually long enough that when you return to work and home, you feel refreshed and rejuvenated. Not jipped and like your vacation sped by. I've realized that when I take a vacation, anything less than 7 days is useless because I spend the first few days unwinding and the next few worrying about seeing and doing everything I want to do before I have to catch my plane home again. It's just not enough time for my mind and body to really let go of all the stress I typically carry around at home and work. I think a minimum of 4 days are needed to unwind and be able to settle into the "vacation mode" followed by, at the very least, another 4 days to enjoy the feeling of stress free relaxation. Then another day to pack before I have to leave would be ideal. I have that much vacation time, and I could take it, but I have let my work drive my schedule, and I plan my short vacations around the slow times in my calendar. As I've gotten older I've realized that the work will always be there, and it'll keep piling up whether I am on vacation for a week or not, and I might even be more productive if I had some new experiences and travel under my belt. Why do we Americans have such a hard time with this concept of vacations?? I am going to try, in this next year, to put my new attitude into practice, and to take actual vacations, work be damned. I hope I can start a trend!

Inspiration

I've been very lucky in life in a lot of ways, and I'm grateful for all I've been given, worked for and achieved and for all those intangible experiences that have made me the person I am today. I'm very proud of who I am today, and for most of my life I was my own inspiration - driven and hard working, and a dedicated friend to those who knew me. But I've been at a loss for inspiration in my life in recent years. I've had a rough go of things and was involved with people who drained all the positive energy from me and left me with none left to inspire myself or to find inspiration in the experiences and people around me. But maybe I had to fight my way through the darkness to come out into the sun on the other side, right? So, as it turns out, I have finally found my way back into the sun, and I've been inspired to start writing here by an incredible man who has come into my life. This is one of many things he has inspired me to do, and that's why my inaugural post about inspiration is about him. Thanks to him I have been able to see myself through new eyes, to be myself again, to laugh again, to smile, to have fun, to be silly, to enjoy the time and things we share together, and most of all, to love. If I had to go through what I did in order to be with him, then it was all worth it. Thank you, Charlie, for all the inspiration you bring into my life every day. I hope you realize it, and how much I cherish you for it.