Just Venting....

I'm stealing the idea from Charlie Mc that he stole from Kate, and writing things I would like to, but never will, say to certain people, without saying who they are. I may not get to 10, but I'll get in the most important ones:

1. I wish you would stop being afraid of change and of challenge and would seek out a better life for yourself, an independent life, because at this rate you are going to turn around in a few years and regret having spent the best years of your life like this.

2. You were like my sister, but so much better than a sister could ever have been. We were identical in so many ways. How could you let yourself turn into something so horrible and hurtful, why didn't you stop it even when you knew it was wrong and destroying you? I get so sad that I don't even miss you because I cannot miss what you became.

3. You are such a good person, and you are caring and sweet and deserve so much out of life. I hate watching you continue down this path, and with someone who has nothing to offer you but promises of things that will never come.

4. You tried to ruin my life. You did crush my soul and show me how low my life can go. The change in my life without you in it is like black and white from bad to good. I rarely think of you, and when I do it is only with intense hatred and regret for every minute of my life I wasted with you and can never get back. My life is infinitely better in your absence.

5. We've grown up to be so completely different that it amazes me how fully we still understand each other. You challenge me to see my life from a different perspective, to embrace new beginnings, not to be afraid of what life holds. I admire and respect you more than you think, because I don't have the courage or the fortitude to live my life how you live yours. But I am grateful to be able to live vicariously through you, and grateful our friendship persists no matter what.

6. I love you. In my life I never dared to think I would find what I have found with you. I feel happier and more content than I ever have before because you are in my life. I don't want for anything more than for time spent with you. I think about you and us in ways that are new to me and wonderful. You give me hope.

7. I wish we had more time to spend together. I miss your friendship. We see eye to eye on many things, and I wish you didn't have a job that demanded so much of your time and energy. But I am glad for your success and hope it brings you a life of happiness.

8. Ours is a friendship that started with your guidance when I was fresh out of school, and grew closer through my personal pain, and now through yours, but no matter what happens we have stayed close and enjoyed ourselves, exploring gardens, museums, or just a brunch menu. It troubles me to see you wrestling with such hurtful things in your life, and I pray that you will come out of this a stronger and happier woman.

9. I'm sorry we grew apart over time, and that we couldn't maintain our friendship, but the advice you gave me was dead on, and I should have listened to you and heeded your warnings earlier. You knew me well, and I miss the things we shared.

10. You looked out for me and showed me, just by being you, what a "good" guy was supposed to be. You were like the older brother I never had, and I miss you terribly but I am so happy that like has taken you down such a happy and fulfilling path. You deserve it all and more.

Kate, you're right....I do feel better now!